So then how does that apply in the case of a marriage, where walking away is not supposed to be an option? That’s the whole point of my last entry, isn’t it, that it’s easier to love and respect yourself and your partner equally when walking away is a viable option. You can negotiate towards your mutual happiness, or you can decide it’s not possible and let the relationship go. Does that mean it is only possible to sustain this level of mutual love and respect outside of marriage? Does it necessarily all fall apart once we say “I do”?
This is the challenge that marriage presents us. It is (or at least can be) a voluntary promise to consistently work towards yours and your spouse’s mutual happiness, NO MATTER WHAT, for walking away is no longer an option. But why on earth would anyone want to promise THAT?
Personally, I saw it as a tremendous opportunity for Personal Evolution. Marriage creates an imperative for stretching yourself as a person to include this other person you have chosen. It requires you to strive to equally consider your own needs with the needs of another. And, in theory, marriage provides you with a safe place to try, fail and grow, because your partner has made the same promise to you. The reward, in addition to your personal and spiritual growth, is the benefit of everything this other person brings to the table. A partner in this world.
So for me, much of the question of my readiness for marriage was about two things.
First, how ready am I to equally consider my needs with the needs of another? For a long time, I struggled to consider my own needs. I had a tendency to give it away. Some I know struggle more to consider the needs of another, they tend to hold it too tight. The truth is that this is an erroneous dichotomy, it is not actually an either/or prospect. So I needed to feel confident in my size as a human being, to understand my capacity for simultaneous and infinite generosity.
And second, have I met a man who will make this process a joyful one? I needed to feel confident that I had found a partner with whom it might actually be POSSIBLE to always find the win/win in any given situation. And I needed a man who deeply inspired me with everything he brought to the table; who therefore made the “work” of growing together a happy career.
I consider myself truly lucky that I was able to make this decision so consciously, and truly blessed with a marriage in which I never think of questioning why anyone would want to promise “THAT”.
Posted by randieshane 